What I Think About When I Am Meditating Slightly Exagerated for Comic Effect

Start time after procrastinating for 15 minutes on facebook. 

I have to do this. 

Five minutes later.

Remember my breathing. Check watch. 

Ten Minutes later. 

What was I doing? Oh yeah remembering my breathing. Was I supposed to count my breaths? Crap, I forgot. Shit, I said crap. Check watch. 

11 minutes later. 

Only a minute has passed. Okay, I am not checking my watch.

20 minute later. 

Wow, I feel relaxed. I can change my whole life. 

25 minutes later. 

I will change the world! 

50 minutes later. 

My back really hurts. I can't feel my legs. Why did I choose to try for an hour and half today.  

60 minutes later. 

Ommmmm. 

70 minutes later. 

I am ugly. No one loves me. The world is dying. I suck with people. I am in a room alone, because I am ugly and disgusting.

80 minutes later. 

I love everything. The world is beautiful. I am so glad I did this.

90 minutes later.

Times up. I feel so relaxed. I have to work tomorrow, but I feel I can meditate  all the time. I will be mindful and relaxed. 

95 minutes later. 

I am a golden god! I am a golden god!  

100 minutes later.

I have to go to work tomorrow. 

Shit.